Un-lost

I just want to cry.

No, wait...I don't want to cry. I don't want to cry ever again.

I want to never feel anything again...or at least for a little while.

And I know...you don't have to remind me...I realize that if I block out the bad emotions, I block out the good ones, too. But honestly folks, the good ones have been few and far between lately.

Mom, if you read this...this doesn't make me depressed or bipolar or whatever else Dr. Phil might say I am.

I'm just fed up.

I don't want to be this way. I want to quit faking happiness and feel it.

So the question is why am I unhappy?

Because I'm not satisfied in any part of my life.

Because I feel so alone I can't stand it.

Because I don't know where I'm headed and I sure as hell don't know how to get there.

I'm insecure, I'm sad, I'm impatient, I'm fussy, I'm ready to quit, I'm lonely, I'm hurt, I'm not enough...I'm lost...

And I don't know how to be un-lost...