How much is enough?

How much hurt is enough? I'll always love him. There are too many good memories there to just write him off as an unloving, unfeeling, giant jerk...but really, how much of the awfulness can I take. When he calls and says those awful things to me it hurts, but I believe in loving people unconditionally, so where does that leave me? Hovering somewhere between hatred and love...sorrow and empathy...part of me wants to run to him and grab him and just hold him until he stops being not so nice...and the other part of me just wants to run...

In Terms of Love

Okay so just when I think things are getting easier, they start getting harder....I've been thinking about the breakup a lot lately, and while I miss him, I don't miss the fights, I don't miss the wondering, I don't miss the insecurities that came with that relationship....do I wish things were different? Sure I do, I wish that this didn't hurt and I wish he wanted to make it work and I wish he loved me the way he should, but wishing doesn't change anything, so I gotta stand up and move on. Forget about all the hurt and pain, and just move on.

What do you think?

"One day you're going to wake up and realize how much you truly love her- And when that day comes, she'll be waking up next to the man who already knew."
I saw this and it made me think....

Memories...

think it's the memories that are hardest to deal with...we really had some great moments together...some really, really wonderful times...when he was sweet and darned near perfect...and sometimes I wish I could forget those times...the way he would come up behind me when I was in the kitchen cooking and kiss me and tell me he loved me...or the laughter...or just at his house watching stupid movies...or the jokes...or the times when I really thought he was the one...that he was it for me...the way he loved my family as much as he loved me...I guess I have to learn to forget those for now, or at least focus on the not so good memories so that I remember why we're not supposed to be together...it's getting easier...it's hurting less and less...and I have great people around me who love and support me and who are helping me through this not so great time in my life...I have so much to be thankful for...I'm learning so much about myself and about who I am and who I deserve...there's a quote that I heard the other day, and I just love it "You've got to put roots down somewhere...but first, you have to find the right garden." that's so true...I guess even though he seemed to be a really great garden, he wasn't the right one, so now I'll move on and do a little garden hunting ;)

Confusion...

So...of course I still love him...that's inevitable right? I miss him like crazy...I wonder if it will always feel like this...and I'm confused...part of me wants things to go back to before we broke up...but then again I know that things weren't good then....things were great in the beginning and then something happened and we started to slowly fall apart...was it all his fault? No, of course not...I pushed too hard and he pulled too far away...would I change things if I could go back? Maybe, but I don't know, I'm learning a lot about myself right now...and I kinda like that...Would things be different 5 years from now? Maybe,I don't know...just a little confused now....it'll sort itself out soon....

Pieces...

Rascal Flatts pretty much sums it up with this song...
From the moment that we met
My world was turned around, upside down
To some degree I still regret my memory
For keeping you aroundBoy, I thought that you were mine
But my broken heart’s been shattered
One too many times (we broke up 4 times...how stupid was I to keep going back?)
Chorus And I don’t wanna see you anymoreI’m just not that strongI love it when you’re here (it IS nice to see him...hear from him...)
But I’m better when you’re gone (but it hurts less when he stays away)
I’m certain that I’ve givenAnd oh how you can take ( he taught me that relationships have to be equal...you both have to love)
There’s no use in you lookin’
There’s nothin’ left for you to break
Baby, please release me
Let my heart rest in pieces, in pieces
Someone let you down again
So you turn to me, your convenient friend (or you're drunk and want to chat....)
Oh, but I know what you’re doin’ and what you hope to find
I’ve seen it a thousand times
All the fire we had before
Are now just bitter ashes
Left scattered on the floor
We both know that you don’t need me
Let my heart rest in pieces, in pieces
Let it rest