Lather, Rinse, Repeat

"Don't fear the future, God's already there."

I sincerely wish I'd been the one to write those words, but I wasn't.

Instead, I'm one of the lucky ones that got to read them. And now, so are you.

Those words speak so loudly to me.

I'm in a place in my life where the future is so unpredictable and it scares me and excites me at the same time. I don't know where I'm headed, when I'll get there or who will be there with me. And soon, I'll have to make big decisions that will have a huge impact on my future, and that scares me. I don't feel like I'm qualified to make those decisions, but I don't want anyone else making them for me, either.

So once again, you find me lost and confused and emotional and scared.

My life reads like a shampoo bottle: Lather, Rinse, Repeat.

I'm stuck in an endless cycle of confusion and unpredictable emotions. And I know that I shouldn't be concerned about what might happen in 10 minutes...or hours...or months...or even years. I shouldn't be frightened of the unknown, because whatever happens, wherever I go, God will be there.

He's hanging out there with an iced cold Dr. Pepper and a smile, and He's ready to lead me into the next unpredictable chapter of my life.

So here I go again.( I can hear you all singing...don't pretend you're not )

I don't want to be plastic, I want to be loved

From "Gift From The Sea" by Anne Morrow Lindbergh

When you love someone, you do not love them all the time, in exactly the same way, from moment to moment. It is an impossibility. It is even a lie to pretend to. And yet this is exactly what most of us demand. We have so little faith in the ebb and flow of life, of love, of relationships. We leap at the flow of the tide and resist in terror its ebb. We are afraid it will never return. We insist on permanency, on duration, on continuity; when the only continuity possible, in life as in love, is in growth, in fluidity - in freedom, in the sense that the dancers are free, barely touching as they pass, but partners in the same pattern.

I won't love him all the time in exactly the same way. Sometimes he'll drive me beyond crazy. Sometimes I'll want to grab him by the shoulders and shake him until he sees things my way. Sometimes I'll look at him and wonder what planet he dropped in from.

And sometimes, I'll hold his hand and look up at him and can't believe that he's mine.

And sometimes, he'll surprise me with his sheer, honest sweetness, and he'll just takes my breath away.

And sometimes, he'll be the only person who can make it better.

The thing is, even though I feel this way...and recognize the way things are, I can't help but yearn for complete perfection. But reading the excerpt above made me realize something; it made me happy to be in the middle of an ebbing and flowing relationship instead of one that's cookie-cutter perfection.

I don't want to be in a relationship where it's all perfect, because where's the reality in that? I don't want a Barbie and Ken relationship...I don't want to be plastic, I want to be loved. I want to laugh together when I make lumpy gravy or he accidentally hits his thumb with a hammer. I want to be able to have a heated discussion and walk away knowing that even though our tempers got out of control, our love is just as strong as ever.

So the importance isn't that you have a perfect love 100% of the time...It's just important to be loved...