My first snow...

Patty: Try to catch snowflakes on your tongue. It's fun.
Linus Van Pelt: Mmm. Needs sugar.
Lucy Van Pelt: It's too early. I never eat December snowflakes. I always wait until January.
~A Charlie Brown Christmas~

I've decided that snow is a lot like love for me. The first one is good, but it isn't always sweet...
I will never forget the first time I fell. To me, he was perfect. The beginning was so surreal and so perfcet that I had no choice but to fall head over heals in love with him. Months later when he turned ugly and mean, I was already sure he was my forever guy and so I put up with it. I had decided that I would be with him forever, so any obstacles we encountered, I was ready to deal with.

But he wasn't.

He was my first love...my first snow...and now that I've had my taste, I know to wait until the sweeter stuff comes along.

Rainman

Hey Lizzie
Well a man's gotta have a dream
And if you can't walk on the inside with me
I'll meet you in between
Oh come with me Lizzie
And the stars will write your name
And if you still think I'm lying to you
Look yonder there comes the rain
~ Tanya Tucker, Lizzie and the Rainman

So recently I've fallen a little bit in love with Tanya Tucker and her music, and while I don't remember hearing Lizzie and the Rainman when I was little, I adore it now. And this section of lyrics kinda made me stop and think a little bit.

Lizzie is just as disbelieving as I am. She's skeptical of the Rainman and she's sure not too shy to tell him how she feels. She calls him a liar and a cheat right there in the town square. And what does the Rainman do? He smiles at her and tells her to have a little faith. He tells her that if it's too hard for her to trust him, he'll meet her halfway and prove to her that he's honest and trustworthy.

And then it rains.

He followed through on his promise and, although the song doesn't tell us how Lizzie reacted, I kinda think she was amazed. Maybe he broke down some of her walls and made it possible for her to have a little faith in him.

So, I've decided that I need a Rainman...not the Dustin Hoffman kind, but the kind that understands that I'm a little nervous and a little skeptical and maybe just a hair jaded about this whole dating/love/romance game. I need a rainman to meet me in the middle...and write my name in the stars...and make it rain...because I don't want to be scared and jaded and skeptical, but sometimes I feel like every new possibility is just setting me up for a new heartache...and I don't like that idea one bit...

So, Santa...I've been a good girl this year, could you please bring me a Rainman?

Thankful...

I lead such a blessed life. And in the spirit of the season, I wanted to voice all that I'm thankful for.

I'm thankful for my faith...for the constant love that I feel from God and the peace I feel in His presence.

I'm thankful for my parents. God must have great things in store for me, because he gave me to the two most wonderful people. I hope I make them as proud as they make me.

I'm thankful for my beautiful L. She is so amazing and so inspiring and she is truly my other half. She is by far the strongest woman I know, and someday, I wanna be just like her.

I'm thankful for C who always keeps me on my toes.

I'm thankful for O who keeps C in line.

I'm thankful for my sweet dog, Austin. She's as close to being human as a dog could ever get and I know I'll never find another like her.

I'm thankful for clean sheets and cool nights.

I'm thankful for fun cell phone rings and text messages.

I'm thankful for warm fuzzies and happy tears.

And, I'm thankful for you. (And, by the way, I really do mean that...it's not just some Hallmark ending I came up with )

I'm no poet

I'm a writer, but I'm not a poet...but one time, and for just a little bit, on February 17, 2000 (I wrote the date down, because I knew I'd probably never write another poem, and I didn't want to forget when this one happened) I was a poet...a mediocre poet, but a poet nonetheless. Even though I wrote it almost 7 years ago, sometimes I still have to go back to it, and read it, and remember how I was feeling when I wrote it...it gets me back on track, and it helps me deal with the hundreds of questions I have...

I'm searching for a spiritual release
I need to find an inner peace
I stand alone, looking for Him
But still I am dark, deep within

I'm searching for a place of my own
A heart, a soul that I can call my home
I stand alone hoping for Him,
But still I am afraid deep within

I was searching alone for all of these things
Believing that they were mine to obtain
But now I stand with Him in the Light
And now I know the meaning of the fight

I alone could not be saved
From my dark, lonely cave
I had to give up and surrender all
Before He could answer my call…

Do dogs go to heaven?

"If there are no dogs in Heaven, then when I die I want to gowhere they went."
Will Rogers, 1897-1935

When I was a freshman in high school, I got a puppy. A cute, warm, cuddly little dachshund named Tater. Instantly he became part of our family...daddy adores him and he's sure he's the toughest dachshund he's ever seen...mom likes to have him curl in her lap for a tummy rub...and I just love him.

He is such a smart dog! He can catch treats in the air when I toss them to him...he can sit...roll over...beg...and he gives the best puppy kisses.

As he grew older, he grew to be more of a protector. He's killed cats, birds and even a snake once...he is one tough little dog.

I can't even begin to tell you how much this dog means to me. The morning I left for college, Tater was four years old. I was sad about leaving...but I held the tears in...I had a four hour drive to be sad, I didn't need to start crying before I'd left the driveway...but then, I went to say goodbye to Tater. I took him his favorite treat (he loved hot dogs) and I sat on the porch and just cried into his furry neck...and he just let me hold him as I began to say goodbye to my childhood...and now, I must say goodbye to him.

He's a sick little dog, and it doesn't look like it's going to get any better...and I know he's in pain and I hate that...so Tater...I love you little guy...I hope there are lots of cats to chase in Heaven...and I'll see you when I get there...

Cinderella revisited

Grand Dame: And though Cinderella and her prince did live happily ever after, the point, gentleman, is that they lived.

Happily ever after...it's a thing of fairy tales and daydreams, but it's not so conducive to every day life. That's not to say that we can't or won't be happy. Not at all. I just don't think the fairy tale form of happily ever after is realistic. And, really, who cares if Cinderella lived a perfect life? The important part of her story is that she LIVED.

And not just had a pulse. No, I think this girl kicked up her heels and had a good 'ol time. I think she danced in the rain with Prince Charming and made out in the back of the movie theater and sometimes wore her skirt a little too short. I think she had beautiful babies and saw their beauty even when they were not such perfect children. I bet there were times that Prince Charming came home to find the house a mess, dinner still in the oven...and his happy wife and silly children in the backyard having a mud fight.

This is what happily ever after is. The mythical, one dimensional happily ever after that exists in fairy tales is boring. It's unoriginal and way too predictable. It may be happy, but it sure isn't full.

I'm holding out for my own happily ever after...complete with barking dog, laughing children and a husband who loves me even when my hair's a mess...