Rebuilding Year

Okay so you know when reporters are interviewing a coach about this year's team he'll be like "Well, Bob, we've got a lot of young, raw talent this year, I'm excited to see how we fair in the conference, but I kinda look at this as a rebuilding year. Our guys are still kinda green, but man watch out for us next year..."
That's how I feel after the break-up. This is a rebuilding year...I'll come out of this thing with my head held high, my dignity in tact and more beautiful and fabulous than when I started...rock on!
Really, I'm handling it all pretty well...considering we'd dated for almost two years and known each other about three years...I'm handling this not being around him or talking to him thing pretty well. I'm kind of excited now to see what God has in store for me. I look at it and I think "Wow...the next guy...the forever guy...he'll have it all...and I won't have to question him...or doubt him...or feel insecure about him." That's a pretty cool thought...and that makes me happy.
Sure I have rough days...Sunday nights seem to be the worst for me, so it was even worse this Sunday when he called...but I'm doing okay...I'm doing fine...I miss him, but I miss the way he was when he was good...and honestly...that wasn't very often...so I can learn from this and move on. I'm not wasting time on those who don't care about me. I'm not wasting time being the only one making it work. It's all about me for now and I'm rebuilding me...that's a great feeling.

Break-Ups

So this break-up thing is hard. Even though he did it, I'm pretty sure it was the right thing. He's just not the person I deserve. I deserve all of the warm fuzzies...I deserve to be loved and protected...and dammit I deserve to have someone who wants to see me and wants to love me and wants to call me baby.
But he thinks we can be friends. We can't. I've always felt that you need to make a clean break...it just needs to be over...you can't hang around and keep pouring salt in the wound...it doesn't work that way. But he keeps calling...to chit chat or wish me Happy Easter...actually, last night was the first time he called me sober...he even broke up with me while he was drunk...why do I put up with it?!!? I told him last night that the biggest thing he taught me was that I didn't have to put up with the crap I put up with while I dated him...I loved him so much that I overlooked a lot of bad things because of a few really great ones...and ya know what? That's not good enough. The fact is, I'm done with him, I don't want him anymore...but I'm not quite over the situation...the feeling stupid and used and rejected...that may take a while....for now...this is my mantra "Even with all of the mayonnaise in the world...you can't make chicken salad out of chicken shit..." Too bad I was in love with chicken shit...