When one door closes another opens. But often we look so long so regretfully upon the closed door that we fail to see the one that has opened for us.Helen Keller
Wow, those are some pretty powerfull words, especially as I look at this time in my life.
I have always believed that when God closed one door, he opened a window, but I never thought to stop looking at that closed door so I could feel the breeze from the open window. But I think that now, at this time in my life, I'm ready to accept a closed door. Maybe I'm even ready to lock that door. Because I need to. It doesn't seem to have any chance of opening again, and maybe it shouldn't. Maybe some things should stay locked away-maybe for a little while, maybe forever or maybe just for now.
But no matter what happens with that closed and locked door, I'm ready to dance in the breeze of that open window and see what flies in.
Thursday, August 31, 2006
Monday, August 28, 2006
What I know now...
When I was little, I prayed every night for God to send me a little brother or sister to love and play with...and yes, torture a little. God listened, he heard my prayer...and he answered in his own way.
He sent my cousin Kristi to live with my family. She was, and is, the best gift I've ever been given.
I now know the joys of singing 80's songs at the top of our lungs while dragging Main in a VW Beetle that wasn't red-red, but red.
I now know what it's like to stay up all night laughing and talking.
I now know how it feels to share secrets and dreams with someone who adores you as much as you adore them.
I now know how it feels to be so incredibly proud of someone that close to you. How it feels to look at her and her life and realize she's stronger than you ever dreamed of being. To see that she's your hero. To see that no matter the circumstances that led her to you, it was the greatest blessing of your life.
He sent my cousin Kristi to live with my family. She was, and is, the best gift I've ever been given.
I now know the joys of singing 80's songs at the top of our lungs while dragging Main in a VW Beetle that wasn't red-red, but red.
I now know what it's like to stay up all night laughing and talking.
I now know how it feels to share secrets and dreams with someone who adores you as much as you adore them.
I now know how it feels to be so incredibly proud of someone that close to you. How it feels to look at her and her life and realize she's stronger than you ever dreamed of being. To see that she's your hero. To see that no matter the circumstances that led her to you, it was the greatest blessing of your life.
Thursday, August 17, 2006
My problem...
We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned, so as to have the life that's waiting for us...Joseph Campbell (no relation, I hope)
Is this my problem? Am I holding on to the life I want, the life I thought I'd have, and not allowing God to lead me where He needs me to be? Is that why I'm a little on the unhappy side?
Is this my problem? Am I holding on to the life I want, the life I thought I'd have, and not allowing God to lead me where He needs me to be? Is that why I'm a little on the unhappy side?
Friday, August 11, 2006
Thanks, Carl
"We make our world significant by the courage of our questions and by the depth of our answers." Carl Sagan
I found this today, and I fell in love with it.
Those of you who know me well know that I question everything, and recently I've questioned the fact that I'm a questioner.
Does it mean that I have no faith? Does it mean that I'm never satisfied? Does it mean that I search too hard for an answer, when I should really just relax and let it all play out?
But I read the quote, and I started thinking. You know, my questioning nature is really a gift that I've been given. It allows me to gain a deeper and more beautiful understanding of myself and those around me.My questioning allows me to be sure of what I want and what I need and what I dont. My questioning allows me to know why I believe what I believe. My questioning makes me more confident in myself and my beliefs; it gives me peace of mind...and as Carl Sagan said, it makes me courageous...and I like that...thanks, Carl.
I found this today, and I fell in love with it.
Those of you who know me well know that I question everything, and recently I've questioned the fact that I'm a questioner.
Does it mean that I have no faith? Does it mean that I'm never satisfied? Does it mean that I search too hard for an answer, when I should really just relax and let it all play out?
But I read the quote, and I started thinking. You know, my questioning nature is really a gift that I've been given. It allows me to gain a deeper and more beautiful understanding of myself and those around me.My questioning allows me to be sure of what I want and what I need and what I dont. My questioning allows me to know why I believe what I believe. My questioning makes me more confident in myself and my beliefs; it gives me peace of mind...and as Carl Sagan said, it makes me courageous...and I like that...thanks, Carl.
Thursday, August 10, 2006
Grandma's Wisdom
So my trip home last night was everything I hoped it would be. My Grandma and I have always been incredibly close, and I've always known she was wise and had great advice to share, but last night on the way back home, we had one of the greatest conversations ever.
We talked about everything from the wackiness in our family, to death, to how to not choose a husband that's not, and I quote, "a shit-ass," like some of my other family members have done...
My Grandma is my hero for so many reasons. She's most definitely the toughest broad I know, and the kindest, funniest, most loving Grandmother I've ever met. Her love for her family is unconditional, she didn't even flinch when she found out about my tattoo, she just smiled and told me how pretty it was. She's most proud of the bumper-sticker on the back of her van that says she's a Texas Tech Grandmother, and swears that that's the only way people in her town of 300 know it's her when she drives by.
And last night, when we had our little talk, she made me feel so much more at ease about everything that's going on in my life. She's a very honest, very frank woman, and I've never appreciated that more about her than I did last night.
And apparently she raised her son to be very much like her.
Daddy and I drove her home last night, so he and I had 30 minutes of uninterrupted father-daughter time as we drove back to town to discuss everything from the wackiness in our family, to death, to why it's best to find someone that's you can live with instead of someone who looks good, because in his words, "Everyone looks ugly when they get old."
I am so incredibly blessed to be raised in a family like mine.
God must have big things in store for me if he chose to give me to them.
We talked about everything from the wackiness in our family, to death, to how to not choose a husband that's not, and I quote, "a shit-ass," like some of my other family members have done...
My Grandma is my hero for so many reasons. She's most definitely the toughest broad I know, and the kindest, funniest, most loving Grandmother I've ever met. Her love for her family is unconditional, she didn't even flinch when she found out about my tattoo, she just smiled and told me how pretty it was. She's most proud of the bumper-sticker on the back of her van that says she's a Texas Tech Grandmother, and swears that that's the only way people in her town of 300 know it's her when she drives by.
And last night, when we had our little talk, she made me feel so much more at ease about everything that's going on in my life. She's a very honest, very frank woman, and I've never appreciated that more about her than I did last night.
And apparently she raised her son to be very much like her.
Daddy and I drove her home last night, so he and I had 30 minutes of uninterrupted father-daughter time as we drove back to town to discuss everything from the wackiness in our family, to death, to why it's best to find someone that's you can live with instead of someone who looks good, because in his words, "Everyone looks ugly when they get old."
I am so incredibly blessed to be raised in a family like mine.
God must have big things in store for me if he chose to give me to them.
Wednesday, August 9, 2006
The future
To be frank, it scares the hell out of me, mainly because I'm the kind of girl who reads the last page of a book before she starts it. That way I can handle any turmoil the characters face because I know everything will be okay in the end. I sort of wish my life were like that. I wish God would hand me the last page to my story and say see, Whit, everything will turn out okay, don't worry about what happens in the middle.
That being said, here's how I think the story of your life is written. God gives you the beginning and the end and YOU get to decide what happens in the middle. And, you get to decide if you want God's ending...or a different, less happy one.
Because God gives us the future.
He hands it to us as a neatly wrapped gift, and it is ours to open and shape and mold the way we want to. And the cool thing is, even if we get started and decide we don't like what's happening, we can change it. We can fix it. It might be hard...it might be EXTREMELY hard, but it can be done. And those people that choose not to fix it, not to take their future and make it into something they want and something they love and something they know God would be proud of are weak.
You see, we have a perfect story written for us, and God could have let us live that perfect story, but what would that mean for us? We would never face anything difficult, we would never learn how to jump back up after a fall, we would never appreciate the beautiful things God has given us if we didn't have to deal with the ugly ones first. So God gave us direction, he pointed us on our way and gave us our very own pen and paper to write whatever we wanted.
We are our own editors, we can choose how our story plays out, and if we decide we don't like where it's headed, we can change it; we should change it...it's never too late.
That being said, here's how I think the story of your life is written. God gives you the beginning and the end and YOU get to decide what happens in the middle. And, you get to decide if you want God's ending...or a different, less happy one.
Because God gives us the future.
He hands it to us as a neatly wrapped gift, and it is ours to open and shape and mold the way we want to. And the cool thing is, even if we get started and decide we don't like what's happening, we can change it. We can fix it. It might be hard...it might be EXTREMELY hard, but it can be done. And those people that choose not to fix it, not to take their future and make it into something they want and something they love and something they know God would be proud of are weak.
You see, we have a perfect story written for us, and God could have let us live that perfect story, but what would that mean for us? We would never face anything difficult, we would never learn how to jump back up after a fall, we would never appreciate the beautiful things God has given us if we didn't have to deal with the ugly ones first. So God gave us direction, he pointed us on our way and gave us our very own pen and paper to write whatever we wanted.
We are our own editors, we can choose how our story plays out, and if we decide we don't like where it's headed, we can change it; we should change it...it's never too late.
Monday, August 7, 2006
Insanely happy...
Do you know what makes me insanely happy? Seeing a really, really beautiful girl with an equally repulsive guy.
And I'll tell you why.
That means, that somewhere out there, searching for the love of his life...is a really, really beautiful man without a mate. And lucky for him, I'm free.
And I'll tell you why.
That means, that somewhere out there, searching for the love of his life...is a really, really beautiful man without a mate. And lucky for him, I'm free.
Thursday, August 3, 2006
It's okay
After every tornado, there's a time to sift through the debris, to clean up, to salvage what can be saved and throw away what's too damaged to repair.
Then there's the grieving and anger period. The intense and utter sadness that is accompanied by feelings of hate and misunderstanding; of pain and of loss; of shock and sometimes shame at not taking cover, or running earlier to save yourself from the damage that you had surely been warned about.
And then there's the rebuilding period. There's the moment when you wake up and you realize, it's time to rebuild. It's time to take what you saved from the wreckage and decide on a place for it. Maybe it hangs in the foyer of your new home, or maybe it eventually ends up in the next garage sale. Maybe you pack it away in a box and promise yourself not to open it again until you're stronger, or maybe you just throw it away and replace it with something new.
One day you wake up and realize it's okay to hold on to some things, but better to let some things go. It's okay to hold on to the happy things, but the bad ones can blow away with the storm.
One day you wake up and realize it's okay to be happy. It's okay to be without him.
Then there's the grieving and anger period. The intense and utter sadness that is accompanied by feelings of hate and misunderstanding; of pain and of loss; of shock and sometimes shame at not taking cover, or running earlier to save yourself from the damage that you had surely been warned about.
And then there's the rebuilding period. There's the moment when you wake up and you realize, it's time to rebuild. It's time to take what you saved from the wreckage and decide on a place for it. Maybe it hangs in the foyer of your new home, or maybe it eventually ends up in the next garage sale. Maybe you pack it away in a box and promise yourself not to open it again until you're stronger, or maybe you just throw it away and replace it with something new.
One day you wake up and realize it's okay to hold on to some things, but better to let some things go. It's okay to hold on to the happy things, but the bad ones can blow away with the storm.
One day you wake up and realize it's okay to be happy. It's okay to be without him.
Tuesday, August 1, 2006
Rainbows...
L is smart.
Today she said something to me that will stay with me for the rest of my life; "Anything amazingly wonderful comes with a little bit of pain."
When she said this, she was referring to child-birth, but this really hit a chord with me, and I thought back to all of the amazingly wonderful events in my life. My first day of kindergarten, my first day behind the wheel of my truck, the day my parents left me at college...all of those things were, at the time, incredibly difficult and scary for me, and yes, a little painful, but they ended up being so beautiful, so worthwhile, and so important. Those events shaped me and molded me into the kickass girl I am today. Without them, I wouldn't be able to see the beauty in the really great times in my life. Even the heartbreaks turned into something beautiful. The person I am today is the rainbow after the tornado. There are times when those heartbreaks still sting, when I'm still picking up debris from my personal tornado, but for the most part, this rainbow is vibrant and strong...beautiful and bright...reaching toward her pot of gold at the end...
Today she said something to me that will stay with me for the rest of my life; "Anything amazingly wonderful comes with a little bit of pain."
When she said this, she was referring to child-birth, but this really hit a chord with me, and I thought back to all of the amazingly wonderful events in my life. My first day of kindergarten, my first day behind the wheel of my truck, the day my parents left me at college...all of those things were, at the time, incredibly difficult and scary for me, and yes, a little painful, but they ended up being so beautiful, so worthwhile, and so important. Those events shaped me and molded me into the kickass girl I am today. Without them, I wouldn't be able to see the beauty in the really great times in my life. Even the heartbreaks turned into something beautiful. The person I am today is the rainbow after the tornado. There are times when those heartbreaks still sting, when I'm still picking up debris from my personal tornado, but for the most part, this rainbow is vibrant and strong...beautiful and bright...reaching toward her pot of gold at the end...
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