One week ago, we heard a heartbeat. A strong one. Yesterday, we heard nothing.
I wish I could be as brave and strong and hopeful as I was in my last post, but I'm not. I'm actually kind of angry. Really angry. And scared. And discouraged. And defeated. And, mostly, numb.
But despite the emotional roller coaster of fear and doubt, I cling to Isaiah 40:31, "But those who wait on The Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles, they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint." This was one of my Grandma's favorite verses and when I saw it on some guy's t shirt yesterday, I felt like she was there. And it gave me comfort, so I cling to that verse and the knowledge that she's rocking my babies until I can see them again.
1 comment:
With two of my four children being adopted, I know so well your feelings. Also, I have been through a miscarriage or two. Such discouraging times! But, God gave me an amazing family with kids coming in from all directions to form a family. They didn't come when and how I expected, but you won't hear me complaining! I have unbelievable children, but those old feeling are still a part of me. They are not razor sharp like they once were, but when one of my daughters expressed interest in Stillbirthday.com training, I was so very touched. Don't let anyone make light of your feelings. We who have lost babies still mourn, no matter the age of the child at death.
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